a bump in the highway

so i just officially withdrew from ASU...   sigh.   with losing my job, i just could not justify taking out more student loans.   i will only have to pay back 5K instead of 10K-25K if i kept going.   i applied to the other community college in the area and will take the language and other science requirements... maybe some day i can go back to ASU.  as it was i am failing my current french class, from lack of motivation and just not knowing what the fuck i was doing.   i highly recommend NOT taking a language online....

i have been pursuing this degree for the last 8 years....  you would think i would be done.  it just seems like a never-ending pursuit.   i am determined to finish, just to say i finished.   but honestly, there is a part of me that is really just ready to throw in the towel and say forget it....  not sure where to go from this bump in the highway....

its friday....

So ending the first week home as a full-time mom, again.   This time it is different since my two youngest are both in school full-time.   I find myself with my mornings free to do what i want.   Rather than lay in bed feeling sorry for myself,  I decided to start walking in the morning.   I live pretty close to a huge park and dam, it is the perfect place to walk.   This week i walked four mornings, and logged 11 miles.   I am pretty proud of myself.  It is so calming to put the earbuds in and just walk.   I walk near water and that is just an added benefit.

The only down side is that my left foot seems determined to make this getting healthy thing harder than it needs to be.....    My foot is just aching all the time.  I have tried advil, more cushiony socks and an ankle brace.  Still not doing it.   Thinking I may need wider shoes if I am continue on this pace.  

The last few years, I have buried feelings with food.   Managed to gain all the weight I lost back and then some.  (Isn't that the same ol' story every one tells)   I am not really on a diet, just on the road to a better way of life.   I would love to have some quick fix to get me back to my fighting weight, and feeling better in my skin.  I think that would help boost the drop in confidence I have.   Being single and my age is not easy.... my couple of attempts at dating have both ended badly.   The last one really had me thinking maybe it was me and not him.  And by me, very self conscious to my heaviness....  sigh.   I know that I am not obese or anything, but I am certainly shaped like a round apple right now.  

It won't be easy, I know.   I just got to keep plugging along til the changes I am attempting become second nature.   Lets home the weight starts going down and away for good....   I miss how i felt three years ago.   Even though i was emotionally a wreck, i felt good in my skin.   does that even make sense???

first day of a new chapter.

So realty hit me hard last week when my boss called me into his office and told me i was getting laid off.  I cannot say i was really surprised, our company has been slow for months now, but i was still shocked to hear the words.    I cried a lot last Thursday.   I think the hardest part of the day was saying good bye to my boss, DB.   I really never imagined having to say to good bye to him.   He was/is a great friend who got me thru some really hard stuff the last few years.   He reminded me a lot of my ex husband and made me realize that there might still be a good man out there.   I would take DB, except of course he is married.  LOL

I have decided to return to being a stay at home mom for as long as I can.   I think it will be good for me and may help me decided where to go from here.   My job was supposed to be a stepping stone to something better and instead i stayed there for 5 years.  Totally placated by the flexibility it offered me with kids but at the same time totally dreading the drive in and my hours spent there.   I see this opportunity to stay home as a rebuilding time for me.   I am five years recovered from my marriage falling apart and now i think its time to heal my soul.

Not sure what route i am gonna take on this blog.  For now writing will be therapeutic i am sure... i don't care if anyone reads this.  I just need to get the words out i guess.

Welcome

Hi - I am Cathy George.   This is my second semester at ASU as a history major.   While going to community college, I found that I really loved history and hope to someday get my credential and teach history at the middle or high school level.    I am a divorced mom of three kids who also works full time.   I am looking forward to another successful semester here....